Of New Things and Old People :)

Hello ppl :)

M back home...n though initially I wasnt so keen on coming home after my xams...all is good now :) On paper toh I have so much of work to do :P shuru karne ko bore hota hai...n plus its december my fav months of the year so m happier!! :D :D gotta start on my documentary homework soon 2 ;) :P the biggest prob being that the lappy gets home only when dad reaches home(i.e. in the evenin!! :( :P ) khair...lets make the most..

Things have been changing around the usual way...last one week has been good :) I have this whole new inspiration/idea to write something..i hope i can pen it down...called 'The December Girl' ..kinda like the movie sweet november...jus that i m not dying :P Things are happenin too fast and time so bloody flies away!!Amazin how things were so still and quiet few days back in surat :) now its gear change time ;) but therez somethin I realise more and more as I get busier..that therez no substitute for true old good frenz :) wateva u do n howeva busier u get u can always count on them...n I m so darn lucky to have my fair share!! :D No matter what I do(or rather not do :P ) and where I end up...where i go and how many people come in and out(random chicks included :P ) I know(rather hope) these few will be along.. :) So to endless possibilities and the uncertainty that accmapanies...and to my dear frenz and the certainty that comes along ...CHEERS!! :D :D

Timelessness

Hello folks,

End sems have ended. Last few days have been the most peaceful.I have been watching some amazing documentaries+lectures which have changed (yet again) the way I look at the world and myself in it.It is amazing what knowledge can do.There is this sense of constant unrest and turmoil (due to what I have learnt ova the last two days) as well a sense of quiet and timelessness, where I have just been floating from one day into another without any boundaries to them. In all of it I have realised that no where have I felt the need to do something(as in forced to like assignments and stuff) nor I have I felt the need to be anywhere else or be anyone else(which so often happens na) I love losing the count of days coz that means either you are super bored or depressed or that you are loving the times as they flow, and in my case it the seond one this tym(thank Lord :D ) I am not delirious (like I was in my ast blog :P ) neither am I sad...I just am.. :) which is so nice..

The hostel has been very quite too for last two days...either people are out doing tp or they have gone for their JMET test to B'bay or Ahmedabad or are at the LnT placement test in campus. My friends are getting placed finally and its such a relief to see them relieved. There is a place for everyone somewhere...matter of time before they find it :) As for me I have decided not to sit for any IT/software company...wait for some company which I wanna work in or better still not take a job at all!! :D And its definitely not a MBA now...nor do I plan to go abroad to study immediately...Just take some time off and let myself be.

Ideally I wanna go to a few places (Nepal,Kerala,Jaipur,Jodhpur, north east,etc. The list keeps growing :P ) and read a lot of books...The list of my 'to-read's has been growing for months now and I cant remem the last book I read :( Also therez this long list of subjects that I wanna find out more about. In between all this I have to find some job (any money paying activity basically :P ) of my interest...which is no mean feat(people who know how fussy and selective I am will agree with me ;) :P )

Saw Rocket Singh yest...was nice...definitely a one time watch..n I love Ranbir man!! And the gal opposite him(Shazahn Padamsee) was nicer ;) tall dusky great smile and curly hair...and a fun character!! A friend of mine got a new 22k 12 MP Nikon SLR yest! :O :D so had fun clicking few snaps with that in the evening :) This time(for the first time I guess) I am not too keen on going home..or rather staying at home...plus therez constant argument with my parents over the fact that why am I not taking my GMAT scores seriously and applying to univs or why am I not sitting for job interviews or why am I not this or that...etc etc...Socha toh kafi kuch hai dec+jan ke liye...lets c how much works out... Chalo I will get back to the lecture by David Icke that I was watching now...Amazingly he answers all those Qs which have been with me since my secong year engg...about nature of reality, nature of money and other things that we ought to know about...got this ever increasing list of lectures to watch now :)

So long ppl,
PC

Let them be hidden ;)

The human heart has hidden treasures
In secret kept, In silence sealed.
The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures
Whose charms were broken if revealed.

Lines from the movie 'Definitely Maybe' (one of my super favs!)

When I first saw the movie a year back I dint like the movie so much..the lines 2 dint make much sense..but now I see them so much more clearly...The more I see it(the movy) the more I read them..the more I love it!
Beautiful...aah...Beautiful :)
To all the little(or big ;) ) secrets that we keep...the dreams,hopes,memories and things
To write anything more would be insulting the lines :P

So long people,
Peace (And you wondered what the great mystery behind it was!! just the vowels man :P )

Where have I been??

Hello ppl,

Been rather long..Hope all has been well with u guys.. The vacns were great..tho things here hav been quite unremarkable off late..

The diwali was great!! Infact I wanted to write a piece on it called 'The Lights of 2009' , but dint rite when the time was rite...n then the inspiration (well most of it) jus faded away..It is my fav festival of the year...I love the lights all around..the tons of sweets that flow in n out of the houses...the lovely traditional dresses that every1 wears and ofcorz the idea of 'victory of good over evil' :) Was quite evntful too!!wid my dads bday bein on the day I reachd home. I realised that knowin how to drive isnt always a good thing!! I was made the driver on so many occasions by my sister altho she can drive perfectly( getting married can be have great privileges!! :P ) Didi n alok(my wud be jijaji) had come home for diwali...both returned to their jobs n there was peace at last!! :P i prolly sound too selfish, but yea I like my house being empty n quiet more often that not! n guess wat after she gets married I get to keep her room :P (atlst when shez not arnd!) hehe....n ofcorz the balcony too! :D

GMAT: I have had so much of these four letter in last few months that it is a relief to get done with it finally!! 26th oct was the date...n well I got a 710( i would hav loved a 730!!)...which is a pretty decent score :) so thats a happy 26th!! :D :D The experience was quite a thing man...the xam centre was so uber cool...with camera surveillance, e-signature, palm scan and stuf!! I had neva given a palm scan before...made quite a fool of myslf givin it the 1st time :P hehe..and then being given ear plugs n cool lookin plastic coated pads to write on...well i felt like quite an executive :D ;) and aah the feeling of coming out after the exam n scoring a 700 up... Seriously felt like a a big weight had gone off me!! And then I had to take time off...so Marine Drive ki jay ho!!

And other than GMAT there is another highlight of my diwali.. a new friend that I made...amazing how u know som1 exist for so long but neva really think u will be frenz with him/her(its not the 1st time that has happend with me!! :P )... kind of person who would make you believe in the good there is in the world(how much eva lill it mite be )...who has nothin to do with my GMAT n who isnt super inquisitive bout my future plans and what i m gonna do next...n wats been up wid me...blah blah...so its always nice to be with som1 with whom u can not think bout gmat,cat,toefl,work ex etc etc :P and jus let the other person in u be :) ... got me sweets to celebrate my score when we met !! Mithai alwaysmakes me happy :D pata nahi un sweets ka kya hota had I not got a good score!! Neways main kha hi jata :P its nice to have a fresh view of of the world again..listen to opinions and perspectives...nothing superficial or fake bout them...still optimistic and upbeat...unlike mine which are a lill cynical and numbed down by my so called growing up and graduation years!! In that way it was definitely a memorable diwali :) plus it is always nice to listen sometimes as opposed to always keep talkin n be the entertainer :P hehe... You,dear friend, make a light of 2009.. :)

And now back to college..its dry and quiet as usual here..for last one week we hav been havin no classes...mass bunk!! i donno y...prolly its a CAT bunk or jus a tp wala bunk...or coz junta is so frustrated that there are no placements!! Have been wastin a lot of time and now as a result have this pile of work to do!! My dear friend VJ who was here jus sometime back says the placement pressure is gettin to him too!! :O thats a surprise...i mean u wudnt expect to hear that from a guy whoz a kvpy scholar,internships at the top two IITs...ex-head of robocon team...and blah blah :P so ye kinda makes me wonder if final yer guys have eva been as frustrated as they are nw!! As for me m not much worriedbout the placemnts coz the last thing i want to do after gettin out of engg(which i have beens o waiting for last 3 yrs) is to again do somethin related to it :P But yea m a lill concerned about what my own job future ...which is tougher...coz first i hav to define what i wanna do and then search for it!! :P

Wow!! Feels light after putting all this down man!! Have been wanting to write something...nething..for long now...seminar and proj work staring at my face now! But I feel good :) So I shall be off to work then...Hope u guys are all upto something...fiddling around in your own worlds...Take care...

So long ppl,
PC

A Passing Shower

The sun gleams down hard
I squint my eyes to see
dry leaves and parched land
it is as still as it could be.

Just then a gust of wind picks up
blows away all despair
I can see you smile at a distance
and feel your coming in the air.

The drizzle turns to a downpour
you choose to stay a while
I listen to you,mesmerized by
your kind eyes and your gorgeous smile.

We talk for hours together
your sweet voice against the pane
the rain washes away all dirt
and the world is new again.

Slowly the words die down
as we share things,said and unsaid,
and retire for the night
with a light drizzle and the star gaze.

Time flies and the dawn breaks
still in dreams, I refuse to wake
while you pack and hastily leave
too busy to even tell.

The sky is clear now
the clouds having long gone.
Ah! I know this feeling
I know it too well.

This is how I have known things to be
I take comfort in the familiarity,
Once again I went to bed with a dream
only to wake up to reality.

I am glad you came by
though you didn't belong to this hour,
you were just another one of them
you were just a passing shower.

Don't Ask Me

The inspiration for this piece is a person(prolly a guy, coz being a guy i get the guy psyche more) who is looking for space after a relationship and is so fed up of the pestering and constant questions (wat if,if n thens ,etc) that he just wants his ex to get on with it and leave him alone. give him some space and just go away.This is definitely not directed at anyone, as one of my dear friend thought it might be :P so yea without relating it to the author much jus read on..


Don't ask me why
things worked out this way,
that it could have been so different
to that I have nothing to say.

Don't ask me why did I not
stand up and stop you,
don't put the onus on me
you could have done that too!

Don't ask me what did I feel
or what I thought of you,
If you dint know this basic much
then I am glad that we are through.

Don't ask me how I am
or what's up with me
or why I am doing my stuff
for godsakes will u please let me be!

Don't ask me if there is a chance
I am sure there is none,
but if you so need to know,then
I am done playing dice with you.

One of those days..

The second internals start frm tom...the same old 2 pprs/day funda... surrounded by books and notes and lotsa xerox stuf i hav no desire to open...but its doent really depend on my desire..what i wanna do and what i dont...its like this preset path...jus go along with it...like a wheel moving in a narrow space...the more it tries to reason the make space the more wear n tear there is...

Well but then its just two more days and atlst for now it will be done...i cant wait to get out of here...totally free(in a less than an year's time)...to read more know more and gain a nw perspective...its nott hat bad here...but i gues i m just hit by a pre xam 'chain of thoughts' if i may so say...a couple of days down theline it will all appaer better and soon i will head home...but then all stay the same...the people the place the whole thing man!!

I gues m getin suckd into this...this apparently pointless thinkin (and cribbin)...specially when i can so ill afford it...don wanna be a victim of 'paralysis by analysis' :P not 2day atlst...so yea back i go again into this neva endin pile of books/xerox/ etc etc... call it xam blues...i jus call it engg!!Its jus one of those days...not the first one nor the last...just one of them..

Shades of Grey

Hello ppl,

This is something that I wrote long back...a couple of years maybe...now that I m finally blogging I m putting it up here :)

Shades of Grey

All mornings bright and clear
so little to darken the skies,
school,family and all the peers
small world and wondering eyes.

Fast did the days go by
life still along familiar lanes,
little joys and simple fears
bruised knees and broken panes.

It is a big world my boy
and you haven't even begun,
grown ups and their words
distant horizon and sinking sun.

Old enough to walk the way
Young enough to not question,
The sky still lit,traces of white
longing for dawn,battling twilight.

Ah yes! so this is the place
this is where the way leads,
overjoyed he looks around
hundreds of others on barren grounds.

Soon did the illusions end
it is black all around,
smiles he still does see
on faces united by the dark.

There must be more to it
complains and consoles himself,
dying earth and virtual people
a million thoughts buzz his mind.

Questions cloud his mind
he tries the light of conscience,
a small candle in an abyss
baffling conventions and efforts in vain.

All he wants is the mornings clear,
white of dawn back into life,
little joys and simple fears,
bruised knees and broken panes.

Numbed by the buzzing thoughts
having lost the sense of time,
It is not black and it will not be white again,
all he sees is shades of grey.

Destiny...or is it?

Hello people,

Its becoming a rather evryday thing isnt it?Hope u arent gettin bored already? :P Ohh i forgot ...for that u wud actually hav to visit the blog n read it...which doesn seem so (other than for a couple of guys !)...for all i no it seems m talkin to myself here!! :P Neways that is fun too...if u cant talk to urself once in a while then how will u talk to others!!

Ok,enof of fundas...the topic for the day is(without sounding newsreader-ish :P) DESTINY
How is it defined?Is it a micro scale or macro scale thing?Does it allow for free will or does it override it?Or are there different levels of freewill like a more daily n local one,by which u decide what to wear,where to go,what to eat,etc and a more broader and meaningful freewill which makes u the person u are and decides what u do with life? And finally is all of it written in stone...or is some of it editable??

To begin with what do we call destiny?? The power that controls what is to happen in future...hmm...It is what will happen to a a person in future.We all have at sometime or other said, 'Its all destiny yaar' or 'Yeh toh saale ki kismat thi' ,but does this thing exist? I am sure all have heard the classical arguments for and against it existence.
For: No matter what you do life will take its own course.U are destined to a lead a particular life and so shall be.It is all written beforehand.
Against: Life is what man makes of it.What is do or dont is on me and not on some false idea of a all controlling destiny.i decide what i want to become.A pilot or a plumber!! And my hard work is what defines my progress and state in life.

Now we come to a very interesting point.Are the choices we make random are really freewilled? For eg: (lets say) Jay has lead a very measured and a predictable life till now. Some school and then some college. Nothin exceptional or out of the blue. He (like everyone else) learns from the people around forms his opinions on what he sees and reads.When he was in school he took interest in astronomy and space science,like most other school kids.Read those fancy space books and was really fascinated by them. Then school ended and he just went along with the crowd.studied science and then chemical engineering.And in the due course of time he realised that this just wasnt right!!What a waste of time it had all been.He felt wasted bout the fact that he had given into the system and 'what was expected of a boy like him' so easily, specially so being a non conformist that he always was.He dint like the idea of someone else mapping out what he was to do life.Just the kind of person who would say, 'I make my own destiny'. And in one of the college festivals,he met a science professor who rekindled his interest in space science.During the last two years of his life he started taking keen interest in astronomy again.After having studied the best way he could today he applied for a seat in a degree in space science in the best research institute in the country.

He has a 6 hour train journey to make to the examination centre.Being such a crucial exam he plays it safe and leaves a day in advance.In the train he meets a stranger, Mr Sen.Although older than him in years and experience they get along well.Talk about various things both philosophical and everyday like.And they finally stumble upon the topic:destiny. Mr Sen tells him that, ' All that you see around you, my dear friend, is destined' and that it was destined that Jay would write this exam one day and if God willing pass it too. This thought of destiny is repulsive to Jay.He doensnt like the fact that after having faced so much of trouble in life and having studied so hard, all it means is that his destiny and not he himself is responsible what he is today. And that even his passing in the exam should be God's will n not his own.He argues vehemently againt it but realises that Sen does have a point.Afterall Jay has done things in life he never really wanted to do and outcomes he never really wanted but still through all that he sailed through and is here now. Still he doesnt like th idea that he hasnt been the sole controller of his life.He even plays with teh thought of skipping the exam and proving it to Sen that he is sole controller! But other than the idea being absolutely ridiculous he realises that it could be easily argued that his meeting Sen and dropping the exam was destined too, if he were to take that step.He does accept that things hadnt worked out as logically as he had planned...when he wanted study astronomy he went into chemical engg and when he thought having got into it he would continue with research he came back to his original love.Reluctantly accepting that there is some sort of abstarct force controlling the direction of events he bids Sen farewell. He really cant afford to be worked up day before his exam and waste his energy on this...but he puts it on his 'to do list after exam.

Now coming back to the discussion ...is destiny micro level or macro level? As in is it applicable for bigger things in life like career,where u live , ur partner ,etc or is it equally applicable for more everyday things like where i will go tom or what will i wear, etc? Can u plan out of destiny?We all love planning dont we? And making lists...of this and that and what not.Look back and check how many of those plans actually did work out :P somewhere i read...if u wanna make God laugh make plans! So though plans do keep life interestin and giv us somethin to wok on they certainly do not totally define the future! The smaller things we still have direct control over...but the bigger things in life I do believe are affected by a force that is above us(call it wateva u please)..Jay surely hadnt planned on meeting that professor who catalysed his interest back into space science.Maybe he dint even want to go to the science fair...he was just pulled along by his friends.Such arbitrary and seemingly small things do sometimes change the way we look at life and what we make of it.Suppose u randomly pick up a book which changes ur life..is that then destiny?or wud u then argue there is no destiny...and it was ur hand that picked up the book and not destiny's.

Another very famous and overly used application of destiny(and one of my personal favs) is finding your love/partner/spouse.It has been the topic of many a movies and books alike and m sure will be for some more to come.Because all of us love this idea that there is one for each one of us,somewhere in the world and that he/she will come to us.It might take time but will surely happen!!I dont believe in this one so much...Its amazin hw we got arnd to believe such things...movies n books mayb :P and the quest for eternal romance!! Butstill i like the idea of it.The idea that come what may(which includes years of separation,marriage or even children) the lovers will eventually reunite!!Very filmy na...hence appealing mayb! :P Ohh btw if u like this idea too,then watch the movie 'Definitely Maybe'.It makes my top 10.

Now tryin to summarise and bring to end this seemingly never ending set to arguments and counter arguments..Destiny to me definitely exists...it defines what becomes of you.It definitely makes space for freewill(afterall one should have some sense of control in one's life). It remodifies itself according to the actions(karma if u may call it) u take but in the long run I would like to believe that it is defined by the person you and your value system.Actions are like the ATM card required to encash destiny.It is like a river's path.How much ever unrest and expression of freewill the flowing water may cause...finally it has to flow along the river's path.A drop doesnt see the bigger picture and hence believes that wateva it does is totally freewilled.Destiny is surely lot more than a retrospective excuse for something that dint turn out the way you wanted it too!!So if u tell me that Ambani got rich coz he had the stars...that is true!!But he had to encash his stars!!Now since the density of the word destiny has gone really high...i shall stop here!! :P
I do believe that good things happen to good people(they are made to wait a lill or a lot for it) and I would also like to believe that my gal is around there somewhere... :) I dont hope to meet her (or even the possibility of her being her)very soon...let both of us take time... ;)

So my dear reader the question is(if u have infact gotten so far reading this :P ) Do you believe in destiny?

p.s. Jay did pass the exam and is now in the final year of his course.I say that boy is destined to make it big!! ;)

So long people,
PC

The Sunshine Smile

Hello people,

This blogging thing is addictive man!! :P Everything (creative or not) that goes arnd in my head i feel like puttin it up here. What follows is a small piece i wrote(in the wee hours of morning,after watching the movie,once again!). Inspiration drawn from Mark(a character in the movie 'Love Actually' , who totally loves this gal Juliet(keira knightley) but at best can just play the bestman at her wedding with his best friend Peter). I really like this guy Mark. Other than being great looking he has this understated charm about himself...and well miss Knightley and her sunshine smile...gorgeous!!Some lill bits are made up(call it creativity :P ). Neways, this one is for you Mark :)

The Sunshine Smile

Aah! What lovely day it is
joyous people all around,
from the end of the aisle you enter
walking angel in a wedding gown.

To see you float towards me
my mind so fondly wanders away,
to the days when u were
the only reason for me to stay.

On the way back home
you would often describe this day,
I hope it is all you ever wanted and more
and that you are happy in every way.

As for me, I look fine too
very soon though I shall be gone.
I did the best I could
cudn't better though being the best man.

I loved with all I knew was love
But never could go the extra mile.
I would like to shout as he leads you out
for the last time see the sunshine smile.

Hehe, reading it again it sounds so kiddishly rhyming :P Neways, I really hope he dates the gals he planned to before the next christmas ;)

Its been a mixed couple of days....India won!!Federer lost :( :( and my neighbour cum good friend is soon gonna get a bike!! :D and there is a seemingly great Asimov waiting to be read.So I would say its regular days here.

So long people,
PC

Aah here I begin..

Hello people...

Its almost three years since I registered and here is my first post.Talk about starting slow!! :P Last few days have been a little hectic(had gone home after long afterall!!).Reached hostel just yesterday.Now i face the classic first blog dilemma...what to write and what not to write..hmm..will start with something general.ohh...before that...i know some of you will have this thing...y moodymobius...u c i was searching for a URL that i really cud relate too..i tried evrything...whitenoise,thewhitenoise,thebluedoor and all its possible combinations(i jus love the idea of a blue door) , i even tried googling fora name...but apart from being totally unoriginal it was also useless!!so i thot let the name come to me when it has too...n come it did...i was in mess waitin for my fren to finish his dinner...was playin with an onion slice...n just turned it in a way to form the mobius strip...n i jus love that thing...its so beautiful,elegant and has a sense of mystery about it(even if it can be defined by a set of equations)...It appears to be two surafaces but so effortlessly merges to be 1...seamless,flowing and pure!!(thoda zyada ho gay kya? :P ) neways so i picked mobius from there...n y moody...well frnz who no me even a lill bit no that its a rather accurate way of describing me...

Last few months have had quite a few things happening.Not so much on the personal front but quite a lot around.To begin with here i am in the final year of engineering!!wow...four years hav gone so fast...not as eventfully as i would have liked :P compared to the four years before that(i.e classes 9th-12th) which was a life span in itself so to say :) and now it hits you...the fact that what next??!! :O I see my friends around...all headed in different ways...praveen just got placed yesterday(with a big package!!) and now the ball has begun to roll.If u stay in a hostel for four years like I have and are lucky enough to have the friends that I have had(which trust me is the best and the only worth part bout having been here) then this is exactly the time u start to realise that its all gonna end.These people who have been my second family(or first if u go by the time spent with in an year :P) are all gonna go their ways.So this first blog i would like to dedicate to the friends at svnit with whom I have shared everything(literally) and a special mention to all my friends who are happy and gay ;) (this one is for u Dreamz, or rather on your request).

Talking bout changes around me...there have been quite a few.A few of my school frenz have graduated which means that therez no running away from the fact that now we are officially grown ups!!(or atleast they are :P ) Pursuing MBA,CA and last but not the least AOL(and for u I m most happy :D ) and the biggest news of all!!! A good friend of mine,just 21, got asked by her boyfriend(of atleast last one year i wud think) to marry him!!woahhh!! when i first heard this I was shocked and m sure so was she!!(dont try to dig for names,u wont be getting it :P) But the kind of person she is I know that she is a blithe spirit and has places to go...which does not mean she said a no...or a yes for that matter :P and then my dear sister is getting married too.So i guess these are all he signs that therez a transition coming again,a change of place and of people...hopefully this one is better than last one(from 12th to 1st year :P ) and of better things and people :)

Its dinner time here.and i just checked...sachin hit a century today afternoon!! :D n i din c it...was slpin :( neways...here z to a new beginning(of blogging and otherwise)
and yea lastly...A very Happy Bday to u again Divs!!hope u had a great day in the jail(college) of urs...n hope u do form the fan club soon ;)

So long people,
PC (that shall be my pen(rather blog) name )